You
were born as the result of an egg and a sperm coming together. You had no
choice in the matter. Also, you had no choice as to who your parents were,
their race, their ethnic origin, their financial situation, or even the
location of their home. Finally, you had no control or choice over the
education, the stability, the personalities, or the parenting skills
possessed by your parents. You may or may not have been wanted, may or may
not have been physically and emotionally healthy, your parents may or may
not have had adequate resources to provide adequate care for you. Whatever
the situation, you probably wished from time to time that your parents had
given you something more.
You may wish that your parents had shown you how to do
more things, or that they had listened to your ideas and accepted your
feelings when you expressed them. Whatever your age now, you may still
feel angry if your parents were preoccupied with their own interests and
didn’t treat you as if you were important. You may still feel deeply sad
if your parents died or deserted you. You may have wondered from time to
time what you would be like now if your parents had been different.
Perhaps your parents constantly urged you to be on
time, to hurry. "Don’t be late!" can be a useful message if children are
dawdling in the morning before school. But too much rushing gives a child
another message: "Don’t take time to enjoy!" Children (and adults)
occasionally need the kind of enjoyment that comes from watching a flower
open to the sun, even when there are tasks to be accomplished.
When they are constantly pressured, children may grow
to believe that there is no time to enjoy the beautiful moments of living:
when happiness flashes with its myriad of colors across the mind’s
horizon, when the "music of the spheres" is heard as a beautiful symphony
of sound, when one’s body moves in harmony with the dance of life. The
child who hurries to avoid being "too late" may grow up to be an adult who
feels he or she is always too late.
The point is that many children receive messages that
are debilitating. The input they receive is flawed, antidevelopmental, and
negative. This input, unfortunately, becomes imprinted, or programmed, on
their being and becomes a huge negative personality influence.
But it is not too late. It is not too late to catch
happiness as it flies, and to enjoy the process of doing so.
This book will show you that whatever you thought and felt about your
parents then, whatever you think and feel about them now, you can revise
your perspectives. You can also revise your present and future life by
building something new into your personality. This new something in your
personality will serve as a new "positive" parent, or as an encouraging
coach or mentor who will assist you in your search for happiness.
